Time for a new segment... as some of you may remember I hate Nic Cage, so naturally Con Air is a repeated object of my venom. Sadly, one part of that movie has worked its way into my subconscious... when the loony played by Steve Buscemi says in reference to the song Sweet Home Alabama, "Define irony: Bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash." There are all kinds of little ironies and hypocrisies in the daily news cycle, so with apologies to Alannis Morrisette, here are a few from the past week or so:
Ted Kennedy, a man who worked his entire political career to pass universal health care causes universal health care to fail by dying.
Random suit in MA, gets elected primarily by running against the Senate Health Care Bill, a plan nearly identical to the one he voted for three years prior, except that it contains the one aspect he hates about his own state's plan, cost controls.
Stephon Marbury, the epitome of a shoot-first pass-never point guard, is going to play pro basketball in communist China
Paul Shirley, a "not a has-been, but a never-was" basketball player, gets fired from his writing gig at espn.com for writing this ridiculously stupid piece on Haiti. - Oh wait, that's not irony at all, just sweet sweet justice in one of its many forms.
Sarah Palin is attacking NOW, an organization devoted to empowering women, for criticizing a pro-life Super Bowl ad by saying the pro-life message is feminist, despite it involving a bunch of old white men telling females what they can and can't do.
Bristol Palin, a woman famous for having pre-marital sex and one who likely would not have been pregnant had she used contraceptives, is now staying in the limelight by speaking across the country in favor of abstinence-only sex education.
This segues nicely into another first: the first I can't stop within a can't stop post. I can't stop wondering .... if a girl or guy who is saving her(him)self for marriage gets married and then subsequently divorced, do they go back to a celibate lifestyle, or has Pandora's box (vulgar pun? intended) been opened and there's no going back? In theory, I think the answer is that they go back, since isn't the whole basis for the idea that sex should be saved for those with whom you want to procreate? However, I think certain practical realities (read: needs) might get in the way of that, once the genie is out of the bottle. After an extended discussion, Mike and I decided that it was latter (see, eg. Jessica Simpson) but we're curious as to others thoughts/second-hand knowledge on the topic.
Tom Caruana, some producer I've never heard of, has taken some of the Wu's greatest hits and laid them over revamped Beatles tunes entitled, Enter the Magical Mystery Chambers. It's not quite Grey Album / Danger Mouse quality ... some of the samples are sort of overworked or involve covers of the original and the concept isn't as unique anymore. Its biggest downside, by far, is that it doesn't contain a remix to Protect Ya Neck (which, for those of you who live near Mike and are able to get him, drunk or sober, to a karaoke bar, should be song request #2 after some random T-Swift track. You won't be disappointed by his performance, I promise). That aside, the album has its share of standouts (ODB spitting over "You never give me your money") and by using covers, some of the samples are fresh takes in their own right. All in all, it provides a new approach to the Wu-Tang headbanger. I downloaded it Sunday and it's been getting constant burn since then. I have no idea how long this will remain available on the interweb, seeing as the Beatles catalog is one of the most aggressively protected copyrights (Conan apparently cost his show 500 G's by playing Lovely Rita for Tom Hanks' intro music as a fuck you to NBC), but by only releasing it as a free download, I guess he hasn't given EMI much incentive to sue. You can download the mix here.
I might be biased because of my affinity for the movie with the first video (it was made entirely from samples from the movie and score), but I find both of these videos completely mesmerizing. I recommend watching the second one in full screen mode. Hope you enjoy.
Okay, so here at WCSWS, we strive to bring you the reader the latest in greatest in entertainment. It was recently brought to my attention by one Katherine Mary Konrad that my wife had posted a new song on Perez Hilton. I felt it was my obligation, nay my duty to make sure you had this song available for consumption as quickly as possible. In this instance, that means I'm linking it before I've even heard it (thank you slow ass work internet connection) because I am so confident that it will be a cant stop listening selection. Enjoy!
PS - Couldnt embed the song, so you have to go to Perez's site and play it from there.
PPS - It was recently brought to my attention that my own sister did not know who Taylor Swift was. After I was done choking on whatever I was eating, I did some soul searching - I really felt like I had failed her. She was, after all the one who introduced me to Tribe, the Fugees and the perks of drinking 40s on the Esplanade and now I was left thinking that she had lost whatever it was she once had. I felt empty. I was worried - she is turning 30 in a few days and I thought maybe this was a sign of things to come as she aged - first it was a lack of general pop culture knowledge, next was incontinence and dementia. So I tried to save her. I played her some Fearless. I showed her the Kanye video. I tried my best, but I'm not really sure I captured her essence. I think we, as a community who care about each other, need to share our Taylor stories, media, etc with my sister so that she can retain whatever youth and interest in pop culture she may have had. So, please leave comments with your own links to Taylor-related things so we can help my sister out - she really needs it! Think of it as your birthday gift to her (and, since she hates all material possessions she will appreciate them more than real gifts). Please, help my sister.
There's a war going on that no man is safe from. No we're not talking about the war between the Sunnis and Shiites, the one between rogue polar bears and earth, or the River Terrace Crew vs. the 19th Street Gangsters.... We're talking Jay Leno vs. Conan O'Brien. We've come to realize it's about more than just two men, it's about the future of comedy and more likely, the future of network TV, and naturally we have strong opinions on the matter, so here they are. If you can distinguish who wrote what, you're up for next year's blog reader of the year.
In my eyes there are three basic categories of TV; half-hour sitcoms, hour-long dramas and the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Network TV has systematically destroyed the first two. Originally, Jay kept his 10 o'clock time slot, because his show was cheaper to produce than any kind of scripted TV. This new approach to network TV meant that innovation was being further stifled as NBC now devoted 33% of its primetime to a show they knew would not attract a large viewership. But NBC is not alone in its failure to attract meaningful, smart or even entertaining programing. Increasingly networks are relying on reality TV and formulaic crime scene shows to fill their time slots and they are reluctant to let shows develop, pulling the plug on them before they have matured. The times they are a changin and the result is network TV has become nearly unwatchable.
For those that dont know, Josh and I spend a good 75% of our day talking to each other online. I would like to tell you every conversation is about worldly, important topics, but if you read the blog you've seen how our minds work, so you know we usually walk with line between 13 year old girls and 16 year old guys. Josh recently found this amazing video and we were both dying as we watched together, alone. We thought we'd give you a little insight into our minds by providing a dual running commentary of the video...
Alaska Nanooks 2010 Hockey Intro from Szymon Weglarski on Vimeo.
JS :01-:17 - Don't tell me I've been duped into another Chicago Bulls ripoff.... the link said this was the greatest film our species has ever created, but WTF, the CGI is terrible on this thing, what was this guy talking about?
JS:31-:34 - Wait.... this is promising. Apparently this bear is possessed. Oh no, did this ship just free Megatron after the Autobots buried him in the depths of the North Pole??? I'm going to be pissed if video somehow involves Shia Leabeouf.
MK :35 – I thought the problem with the Polar Bears was that they were drowning because of a lack of ice. I guess we all misjudged the problem and the Alaskans have put their finger on the real reason for the species struggle – they are all hibernating in ice which is just stupid. Maybe we should let survival of the fittest have the day - I say fuck the polar bears if they're too stupid to not realize sleeping in ice is a terrible idea.
MK:43 – So evidently Rayden was really a polar bear.
JS :44-:50 - Apparently the bear isn't only an 85 foot tall possessed sorcerer who can conjure light-saber like hockey sticks out of thin air, he's also a Communist since he's laying waste to this industrial ship for no apparent reason other than freeing him from his icy tomb
MK:47 – As an avid fan of Deadliest Catch I find the destruction of the fishing vessel gratutituous. Those dudes have enough shit to deal with – bad fishing, ice making their ships capsize, rogue waves and now fucking polar bears. The bear really fucking hates fishing evidently and somehow this is meant to inspire the fans of the Alaskan team? I guess they failed to realize the fishing is the second most important part of the state’s economy and probably employs a lot of the fans? Either way, destroying the fishing industry is not a good first post-hibernation move for the bear, as he might have wanted to eat some of the fish on board?
MK:58 – Maybe Sarah Palin should have touted Alaska’s bear squadron as an example of her foreign policy experience. Seems just as plausible as seeing Russia from her front porch.
JS:59 - Maybe these bears are all right, we seem to share enjoying laying waste to things whilst listening to Kenny Loggins
MK: 1:00 – Too close for missiles, I'm switching to guns?
MK: 1:02 – Nope missiles will work.
MK: 1:03 –Miami of Ohio? Really? Seems gratuitous and recently I’ve met a lot of Miami grads who I am quite found of – not cool. Though they did launch Wall World, so maybe it was just retaliation for bringing that ass hat into our lives.
JS: 1:00-1:07 - The bears not only hate industry, they apparently also hate education, especially schools in the midwest. Presumably this is because despite the prevalence of higher learning institutions, there are still a ton of idiots who refuse to believe in global warming putting at risk the bears' habitat.
MK: 1:06 – Yep – men can have multiple orgasms. Notice how those fucking bears didn’t mess with Michigan. Maybe they aren’t so dumb after all. (That and our hockey team probably pwns them so they really could not show that in any serious way). In any event I’m pretty sure this video is propaganda for Alaskan separatists - maybe we don’t need to worry about Al Qaeda but these bears.
JS: 1:10-1:22 - It's all clear now, they were trying to blow up the planet by nuking the volcanoes. Not sure of the science behind it... Ohhhh, I guess Earth isn't actually a planet but instead is the Death Star based on the explosion. Perhaps the bears shouldn't have blown up the colleges before realizing we haven't discovered life on other planets yet. I have no idea what the bears' motives are, but damn, you have to respect the amount of hatred they have.
MK: 1:16 – Well there goes earth. A few thoughts as I look back on the destruction of our home. I seriously am concerned we are giving Al Qaeda ideas for their next attack. Why is destroying earth a good thing? Without Earth there is no hockey so this video is moot - not sure. If their plan was to just take earth to begin with, why did they have to take out the universities first - they'd all be gone in the rapture anyway? Also, do the bears know about another planet we can inhabit and that’s their rendezvous point? I really think I underestimated these bears. Now I am advocating their extinction because I fear them.
MK: 1:25 - Where did his helmet and glasses go?
MK: 1:34 - I remember that chapter in a Brief history of the universe about the importance of a hockey stick in understanding/defeating the time space continuum (JS: - The bears have now formed like Voltron back into the super bear and are traveling through some sort of vortex. Maybe the bear is actually Jake Gyllenhaal and is traveling back in time to save his family from a crashing airplane, all thanks to the ramblings of a metallic rabbit...)
JS: 1:39-1:42 - Ahhhhh, I get it, it isn't actually another planet, Alaska is just a metaphor for one. I guess the creators are making excuses as to why they allowed Sarah Palin to avoid the wrath of these bears and elect her governor
JS: 1:42-1:49 - This super bear never ceases to amaze. He's not just bipedal, he's managed to master the triple deke. I guess this answers the question as to where Gordon Bombay has been hiding... in Alaska teaching penalty shot techniques to a sloth of bears hellbent on destroying the planet.
MK: 1:50 – Looks like the bear was gonna play a team of women looking to get knocked up because they just pulled the goalie on him (ZING!)! Not to be denied, he makes sure he takes full advantage...
JS: 1:57 - This bear is a menace. He blew up the fucking goal for the game he's supposed to be getting everyone hyped for. I think it's clear that with all the gifts this bear was blessed with, foresight was not one of them, because clearly they can't play the game now. Also, am I to believe the bear is that powerful that he can blow non-flammable objects up via slapshot? Maybe this can all be explained by the bear also possessing Gambit's power of turning objects explosive. (MK: That wicked hard slapper would have made Al Iafrate proud. Naturally it produces fire. With so much fire following this bear, how did he ever survive in the ice?)
JS: 1:57-2:11 - The University of Alaska hockey team everyone!!! Where kids learn to destroy industry, lay waste to education, blow up the planet and train Al Qaeda. This video sponsored by the Committee to elect Sarah Palin President.
I have listened to these songs probably 10 times a day for the past 5 days or so. Ida Maria topped Jim DeRogatis's list of top albums of the year. The album is really good and worth checking out (certainly not album fo the year, but good) and this song is catchy and good. The other song is Feist and the Constantines covering Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Islands in the Stream. The song is amazingly/hauntingly beuatiful, especially when you listen to the original.
The Office is among the most popular shows in America, and chances are you like it. Great. You're an idiot. And you know how I know you're a moron? Because while you are watching the gang in Scranton, there is a show out there that can only be described as the show the Office wishes it could be and its about to get canceled. This show is superior to your precious Office in every way possible but you are too stupid to watch it, and a result it will probably doomed to join Freaks and Geeks, Arrested Development, Bill Clinton and 2Pac as things you were too stupid to appreciate until they were gone. The show, of course is Better Off Ted and you really should be watching it.
The Office is a fine show. It’s sort of funny in a "there is no way you can miss these jokes because they are so big kind of way." (Note: if this is what you prefer, you likely support Jay Leno over Conan and you shouldn't be here because you really are a moron and at CSWS, we are on team CoCo.) It provides us with a sense of reassurance that we aren’t alone in thinking that our places of work are insane and our bosses completely clueless. But that’s about it – it doesn’t really provide any meaningful commentary about working for corporate America or the struggles associated with actually working everyday - because its way too focused on the absurdity of the characters. As a result, the Office provides us with some cheap, obvious laughs, but it misses a chance to become the defining comedy of the genre. Better Off Ted takes that chance and runs with it.
I love the game of monopoly, have since I was a youth (read: ute). Two years ago, I was even Mr. Monopoly for Halloween. But when it comes to businesses, especially those in which two players already dominate, monopolies really chap my ass. It's been a while since there's been some good old-fashioned hatred on this blog and it's high time for some to return. It is only fitting that the first hatred of the New Year be directed at something which has festered in me for some time now, the proposed Ticketmaster and Live Nation merger.
Where to begin, well first of all, if you enjoy going to concerts, you almost certainly have to deal with them. Live Nation now owns a ton of smaller venues and exclusive deals with artists, forcing you to deal with them if you want to see a concert at that venue. Ticketmaster is just as ubiquitous if not more so at the larger venues and has its own subsidiary which has exclusive deals with over 200 artists. What exactly does that mean? Well, for one, facemelting fees. In looking at tickets for a show the other night I wanted to go to the other night, Live Nation tacked on additional fees that added up to 50% of the face value of the ticket. Ticketmaster has three separate categories of fees they tack on to ticket prices. The government charges 2.50 per flight in Airport Security fees, these clowns get away with charging 4 times that per show. They charge you a fee for printing out your own tickets for christ's sake. Why? Why does Radio Shack ask for your phone number when you purchase batteries.... I don't know. Nirvana - Rape Me
Contrary to previous belief, recent events have caused me to change my mind. Then again, maybe I had it coming to me when I didn't make her the first member of the We Can't Stop Gawking honor roll despite getting Mike's approval. Somewhere, Riggins is going bananas... but at least it wasn't that insufferable choir boy from Season 2.
After an amazing trip to Africa and a lovely new years spent sleeping somewhere over the Sahara, I have returned to you my loyal reader(s). I know how much you missed me and I'm sorry I didnt get back to you sooner. But dont worry, you were never out of my thoughts - in fact I took a bunch of pictures that reminded me of you.
I felt bad leaving you for so long and I was worried that much like this baby wildebeest, you all would feel like your guts had been ripped out without my updates.
I heard from more than person they thought the blog was dying and the vultures were circling.
Then, when I got back and didn't update for a few days, many of you thought the vultures had swooped in and the blog was dead.
But dont worry, I'm here to stay - I cant merely be swatted away.
Because Josh went ape shit with updates in my absence, and you all didn't have a voice of reason to listen to, some of you maybe worried I had lost control of the blog. But don't worry, the blog is mine - I'm marking it as my own.
Being jobless and in Africa, naturally I was thinking about ways to keep myself financially afloat so I could keep blogging and making you all happy instead of doing real work. Look at all of that beautiful ivory....
Then I thought about new ideas - maybe sponsorship for the blog? But this isnt about that...I promise. I love Serengeti Beer. When on Safari in the Serengeti, I only drink Serengeti lager - its so refreshing after long day of seeing animals. Even the wildebeest behind me love and mooed whenever they saw it. Serengeti Lager; its what Hemingway drank(yes, that is what i wore everyday, though i usually wore a baseball hat instead of that ridiculousness).
So, my friend(s) - I am sorry for not getting back to you sooner, but dont worry, a new day is coming for the blog, and it will be even better than before.
As a final note, just remember, I'm always looking out for Josh making sure his ego is fed and well protected.
By the way, this is only 9 of 4,000 pictures. If anyone wants the full slideshow, let me know!
There's only one reason to pay this much for a giant tuna... you were in a pissing contest with someone else and the Clipse were your lead negotiators. I love sushi probably more than the next guy, but at that price, you could almost buy the Silverdome, in cash.
J. Cole award for artist who mashed on the headline act in a freestyle rap: J. Cole for destroying Wale with the line, "I'm like the '95 Penny, you like Penny '04" - J. Cole - Royal Flush also winner for best remix of a song whose original I thought was too tight to remix
The Joe Lieberman Award for dance anthem for hipsters and music lovers alike that I should've seen coming but somehow didn't: Passion Pit - Little Secrets - For whatever reason, seeing a sea of flannel erupt into spastic movements when this song came on took me by surprise but was a sight to behold.
The Clay Aiken award for dance anthem for hipsters and music lovers alike that I saw coming: Phoenix - Lisztomania - When said sea of flannel erupted when this time, I was not the least bit surprised.
Collab of the year that didn't make any sense because it was between a hardcore rapper from Queens who may or may not have Sickle Cell according to 2Pac and a Scandinavian who invented his own language for songs but was still tight: Mobb Deep and Sigur Ros - Mobb Deep and Sigur Ros - Emanciaptor/shook ones
Best Nickname for an artist which should be my rap nickname, who also happened to put out the one of the best rap albums of '09: Raekwon, the Chef.
The Cut Copy award for Worst Concert of the Year: The xx - I guess this is partly because I'm mad I didn't expect it, but listening to them after going on at midnight was the equivalent of sleeping with someone who just doesn't move. No matter how much effort you put in to wanting to enjoy it, that other person's lack of energy ensures it's going to be a terrible experience. That was the xx - a dead starfish in bed.
