I cant stop....gathering expert opinions

So I just realized my post may not be safe for work, so I have moved it all to after the jump in the hopes of not alienating our friends who works...basically I dont want to get Chris in trouble since he is probably our only friend who reads this and has a job. (Katie, you are excluded because you sent me the link that is the subject of this post and therefore cannot be mad if shows up at work).



So KT recently brought this picture to my attention because it combines two things I may or may not enjoy - masturbation and Michigan(though as anyone who knows me can attest, never on the same day). This naturally started many conversations among my friends, the most important of which was whether this posed a health hazard. As someone who was intricately familiar with the showers in the Michigan dorms I know that the drains in the showers are shared among showers. I wondered whether STDs could be transmitted if someone had a cut on their foot and someone else's semen entered that cut via the shower water.

What I found may shock you.

To get to the bottom of this question, I employed the help of Beth Linas. Beth is a Brandeis graduate, receiving a BA in Biochem and a BS in Health Society Science and Policy. She then worked for NYU Med school studying TB and the New York City Department of Health, Department of Infectious Disease and is currently pursuing her Ph. D in Public Health, specializing in Epidemiology. She knows diseases and not in the way some of my other friends do.

Here is a transcript of our chat. Our expert believes HIV could be transmitted through one boy blowing his load onto another boy's open cut. Michigan exposed me to HIV, which unfortunately does not give rise to a lawsuit under the Aids Hands doctrine.

me: okay, two dudes are showering next to each other
boy 1 blows his load
boy 2 has a cut on his foot
can boy 1 transmit an std to boy 2 through the semen to foot
Beth: depending on the std
technically
yes
open soar
+seman
semen
HOWEVER
that is just the blood stream
most STD's need to be in the gential tract
to do anything
there are enzymes and stuff there that aren't in blood
but if you are asking about HIV
Beth: yeah i guess it could but i am gonna say rare
because water is there
diluting it down
me: yeah
Beth: and might not make it to the persons foot
are you going to write about this on your blog!
but yes from basic hiv infection 101
semen has a lot of virus
in it
any way it can get to the blood stream you can get HIV
the best place is again in the genital tract
the end
(thats because it infects specific cells and those cells are highly present in that area)

So there you have it - not only is jerking off in the shower costing my alma mater lots of money in plumbing expenses, it is a health hazard to boot. Beth was unable to confirm whether there is also a health risk of hairy palms or blindness also associated with this practice.

We have some other open questions about this picture that we would like the layperson's opinion about. First, if I become rich, is there a better way to donate to my school than giving it funds for new piping? Second, is the statement at the end "Please masturbate in your own rooms" a command? A request? A desperate plea? Third , how is masturbating an honor code violation? Do I have to give my degree back because I jerked off in college? Fourth, is jerking off in the shower really masturbating? As my friend Jeremy once said about living at home, ""I'm going insane at home. there's probably so much porn out there that i don't even know about and I'm forced to catch beats in the shower because my mom is always around, always watching, and we all know that's really only worth like half a beat off cause it sucks. So I do it just so i keep my sanity, but it doesnt make me less inclined to want to fuck anything with a pulse." (Conversation paraphrased). Fourth, can we all just agree to never, ever let my mother see this blog? Thanks.

We hope this post has been educational and I'd like to thank Beth for solving this inquiry.