I can't stop thinking that .... the apocalypse is upon us this week

Maybe it's because Friday is the anniversary of Mike and I killing Jesus, but this week has had it's share of foreboding news, so I'm going to steal Jeff Foxworthy's bit and list the reasons we know the apocalypse is upon us.

You know the apocalypse is upon us when .... Fox News not only has the highest rated show on cable news, it has the top f'ing 13. Not only does O'Reilly top the list, but the re-run of his show comes in at #8. Those looking for clues as to why the GOP has gone to hell and is taking the country with need look no further than the above list as to why.

You know the apocalypse is upon us when .... Glenn Beck is duping nearly 3 million Americans into his nonsense.

You know the apocalypse is upon us when .... the Wall Street Journal, one-time bastion of objective reporting and go-to source for information about the business sector.... has decided to launch a gossip column.

You know the apocalypse is upon us when .... pop icon and sex symbol Ricky Martin comes out of the closet. And like being robbed by a little old lady in a motorized cart, I didn't even see it coming.



You know the apocalypse is upon when .... Taco Bell starts serving shrimp tacos, and they're not terrible. Seriously, a company known for vermin infestations and use of Grade D meat (yes grade D does exist) is going to dabble in shellfish. This can't possibly go right, right? Wrong. Apparently, Taco Bell has succeeded in finding some of the world's perfect prawns.

You know the apocalypse is upon us when .... the second most watched cable network show is making claims that the health care bill is racist because .... it taxes indoor tanning salons and who uses fake tanning, well almost entirely white people.

You know the apocalypse is upon us when .... Newark just celebrated a murder-free month. Ever since I saw the documentary Street Fight, I've been fascinated by Cory Booker. To see this happen for the first time in 40 years just reaffirms that this guy is the real deal. Hell, the guy personally responded to a twitter post asking him to help shovel an elderly lady's driveway this past winter. Booker in '16.

Finally, you know the apocalypse is upon us when .... KFC has started a countdown for its newest calorie bomb, the Double Down... and sadly, I can't wait to try it. Two pieces of fried chicken sandwiching monterrey and pepper jack cheeses, and two slabs of bacon, dear god. Now I'm not sure what exactly they're doubling down on (saturated fat, a policy to single-handedly topple our health care system?), but I don't much care. I'd say there's about at 40% chance my heart might stop midway through eating this but if so, look out Hell, here I come.