Hey, Josh, there is a football game tonight. Did you know that? I know you have been confused before – as evidenced by the picture to the left – so I just wanted to make sure you knew about it. I am only pointing this out because I know it’s early in the football season, so you may not have decided just how involved you are going to be with the Steelers this year. We know you were a football atheist for much of your life – who is a boy to root for when he is from York, PA? But, when maturity and puberty came to you in college, you realized you had to have a team, so you looked around and jumped on a bandwagon, of a team that would win two super bowls in three years. Now that’s fine, I too suffered from a bout of badwagonism in my life (See the 2004 Red Sox) but I realized the folly of my way – I realized when they won it didn’t mean as much to me as true Sox fans, just as when they lost it didn’t hurt as much. You on the other hand still claim to be a Steelers fan, yet we all know that you don’t really care. Sure, you may like to rib Chris if the Steelers beat the Bengals, or make fun of the ineptitude of the Browns to CJ when they destroy them, but deep down its all a charade – you don’t really care. I know it, you know it, why don’t you take this opportunity to publicly announce that when its all said and done you don’t give a fuck about the Steelers? Its fine, we will be okay with it…I promise. And that way you can root for the Eagles when they make the Super Bowl without a guilty conscience.
As exhibit A I would like to introduce the following evidence of a g chat conversation we had earlier this month (I haven’t heard back from the bar yet, so I am still relying on pretending to be a lawyer to get me through these tough times)
me: you are the worst sports fan
there is no team you actually care about
Josh: duke and the orioles
thats it
Also – I would like to point out that you aren’t an Orioles fan. In typical Josh fashion, you jumped on the Phils bandwagon last year because…wait for it….they had a chance to win the championship. Shocking.
So, in summary Josh - you are a disgrace to true sports fans everywhere and I speak for the group when I say do us a favor and please stop pretending to care. Go back to the fucking kitchen where you are more comfortable and away from the TV sets (note: this is not to be construed as a sexist comment, Josh enjoys fine cuisine and should stick with what he knows). And, oh yeah GO BRONCOS!
Josh is definitely not an Orioles fan. I'd be shocked if he owns any Orioles apparel, and I'm pretty sure I could name more players on the Orioles than he could.
ReplyDeleteReason #239 why Mike is unemployed - he'll spend an hour writing a rant like that which completely lacks any point. As Mike's "evidence" makes clear, I've never claimed to be a true Steeler fan, I just root for them. Just like every year since you've known me, I've watched every game this year, so how that makes me a terrible sports fan is just dumb. Apparently, being a real sports fan has nothing to do with watching and consuming more sports media than someone, it has to do with being born into a family that has established rooting interests. No shock that Mike would be so discriminatory and elitist.
ReplyDeleteReason #429 why Mike is unemployed: he lacks the ability to logically reason. I claimed, at the start of last year, that I was jumping on the Phillies wagon, since I was moving to the city, and the Orioles were for the 10th straight year, going to be pathetic. How this makes me a fake Orioles fan is beyond me. If that's the case, Mike is a fake Rockies fan (see 2004, Red Sox). (Chris the only reason you know more players than I do is because 16 out of 24 hours a day for you are spent on something fantasy baseball related)
I've been waiting for a Taylor Swift SNL update and I get a Josh rant instead? Fuck this blog. Well, actually just Mike's part.
ReplyDeletepatience anonymous, patience.
ReplyDelete