I can't stop hating on.... High Fructose Corn Syrup

High Fructose Corn Syrup is dead to me. I've hated this stuff for a while, but my hatred has recently crystallized after our trip to South America and a trip yesterday to NYC. Not only has it ruined sodas, I'm pretty sure the stuff is behind our country's obesity, the diabetes epidemic, Arrested Development's cancellation, and the continued strength of Al Qaeda. Yesterday, I was drinking a Boylan's Root Beer and it was like a party in my mouth. What was the reason for this unexpected trip to flavor country? The soda was made with real cane sugar. Soda is objectively better with real sugar. Anyone who's been to Latin America can attest to this. Unfortunately, Big Corn has its meathooks just about everywhere, so I'm forced to go to random bodegas in holy grail-like quests for Coca Cola with real sugar. Passover sucks, except for the fact that grocery stores actually carry the stuff then. If I ever decide to run for public office, a HFCS ban will be central to my campaign.